By S. James Hyland - InReeseWeTrust.com 10/19/10
To preface everything, on Saturday night I went to a joint birthday party where I drank my face off. So to start out on Sunday, I was kind of hungover. On top of that, Cablevision is in a brawl with Fox, so Fox is showing nothing at the moment. So I had 2 choices. I could either not watch the game and follow it on an internet gamecast so I could rest my hurting head, or I could go to a bar with a satellite and get plastered. Option B it was.
So myself and 5 friends all go to a local dive bar (my style). When we walk in, we’re the only people in the bar, which was perfect, though it wouldn’t stay like that all day. We were able to get whatever drinks we needed as soon as possible. Basically everyone in the group orders a Bud Light, with the exception of me. I, of course, go with the Bud Light and Corona. It was kind of funny when the bartender came back with the drinks because he put a Bud Light in front of everyone, then was looking for the person who needed one, where the Corona would go. I had to point out to him, that the Corona was also mine. A personal highlight for me was when my buddy Mike, a Jet fan, turned to me and said, “I hate the Giants, but I really want them to keep winning so you have to keep doing this.” Well Mikey, wish granted.
I still have to admit that although Bud Light does the job, it may have to be changed. In a big game where we need some points, that’s when I’ll have to change it up. But for the time being, it does the trick.
The other issue is Matt Dodge. I was joking around 2 weeks ago when I said that I may start abusing heroin to help Dodge out, but it’s gotten to the point where I may actually have to score some heroin. How is he employed right now? The great Brendan Carney out of Syracuse University isn’t punting anywhere. Are you telling me it’s not worth giving B-Carn a call? At least he won’t fumble it.
But let me steer away from my man crush on B-Carn (he’s actually like my 2nd cousin somehow). Back to the issue. I am not counting the first TD on the Corona. That’s totally Dodge’s fault, and not the formula’s. And Calvin Johnson’s TD is tough to blame on the formula because Calvin Johnson is a transformer. Megatron is more than meets the eye, so he may possibly have a program inside the makes him invincible to the formula.
Rather than go through the game and talk about what looked good and bad, I’m going to talk about my quench for alcohol and how I should probably start going to meetings soon. It’s gotten to the point to where I ordered a Yuengling just to try out on special teams. The result: a really weird Jason Hanson 50 yard field goal. I should have tried the Yuengling on FG number 2 for Hanson, but the bartender was a 70 year old man that was probably hoping 5 guys would show up that day, and instead he had about 30 lushes who were all pissed at Cablevision (I know that I said when we walked in, we were the only people there. But after the first 5 minutes of the game, when guys realized that Fox wasn’t coming back, they all made their way into the dive). Possibly the worst bartender of all time. This guy also tried to tell me that a Jack and Coke is also known as a Cuba Libre. Maybe I don’t know everything, but when it comes to booze, I’m pretty damn good. A Cuba Libre is Rum and Coke, moron.
A few funny side stories; first, the loudest ovation of the entire game was not for a touchdown or a sac or an interception, but rather when Matt Dodge landed a punt on the 4 yard line. The place absolutely erupted. Great moment between a bunch of train wrecks in a dive bar.
Another funny story: a couple of guys actually noticed me sitting at the bar drinking different beers for different occasions and they questioned me about it. When I described how I came across the formula against the Bears and it’s been unstoppable since, they walked away in approval. Best case scenario they take up the formula as well and keep it spreading. Worst case scenario, next week they find me and make me drink more heavily than I have been, and I die of alcohol poisoning. There’s a chance that if I see these guys somehow next week, this will be me.
Oh, and when the game was over, I had to go meet my parents and my sister so that we could go to a family dinner with a bunch of cousins and aunts and uncles. All all say is that I was the life of the party there…
On a quick side note before I wrap this up, I would like to give a big F-U to the San Diego Chargers. Over the past 6 weeks, they have cost me several bills of monetary value. And if you’re curious, the bills weren’t all Benjamin’s but they were at least Jackson’s. Everyone on that team should give me a portion of their salary, because I believed in them when they didn’t. And thanks to my belief, my wallet is significantly lighter.
Matt Dodge is a blessing to the GIANTS.
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