By S. James Hyland - InReeseWeTrust.com 10/12/10
After last week’s column, I know that many people just thought I was a moron who drank too much. While I’m not disagreeing with that perspective, I am instead saying that this moron may have stumbled into the secret to winning football games. Last week, when I talked about the “formula” for winning games, it was more of a test run. I had no idea if it would work. But after this week, there is no way that anyone could say that the “formula” doesn’t work.
I’ll throw out all the variables at you. First off, I wore my Eli jersey, the same one which I wore last week. We changed up where we watched the game this week. Rather than watching at my house, we watched at Big B’s place. And this week there were about 8 of us watching, instead of just Woody and myself. Other than that, the conditions were exactly the same as last.
In case anyone doesn’t remember, here’s the formula: drink Coronas heavily when the Giants are on defense. Drink Bud Light heavily when the Giants are on offense. That’s all it takes. And I’ll be the first to admit, when Owen Daniels got a first down on the first play of the game, I thought the formula was a fluke. But after that, the Texans went 3 and out, and it was all G-men from there.
It’s also really funny when someone who doesn’t realize what I’m doing walks into the house. For example, I’ll give you the exchange when my buddy John walked into Big B’s house. John walked in about 10 minutes after the game started, because he’s a girl:
John: Hey guys what’s going on?
Everyone: Nothing.
[John then looks over to find two beers in front of me. He then turns to Woody]
John to Woody: Yo, what the hell is he doing over there?
Woody: Are you an idiot? Last week the Giants dominated on D when he was drinking Corona, and they started putting up points when he was drinking Bud Light
John (having completely accepted it as normal): Oh ok. That makes sense.
It really is amazing how people completely understand why others do ridiculous things, as long as the end result is ok. If I was smoking crack out of a broken crack pipe, people would demand that I stop for my own safety. But if I said every time I smoke crack, the Giants put up 50 points, everyone in the room would demand that I keep going with it. I actually brought this up and said how if I wanted to help Matt Dodge, then I’d have to get into heroin, and every guy in the room looked over at me in a way that was almost asking, “You think that would work?” Clearly my friends care more about the Giants winning then they do about my health. Then again, I feel the same about them.
Back to the issue at hand though. The formula. Although it’s has gotten the Giants 2 straight wins, just as last week, there were some lapses in the system. First off, I’m not sure if Bud Light is made for scoring TD’s. Last week I drank Bud Light because we needed something other than Corona, so I grabbed that. Obviously on the scale of beer, Corona is the one side of the spectrum (defense) but I’m not sure that Bud Light is at the other side of the spectrum (offense). It’s probably near the middle. I need to find that beer that lets the Giants score at will.
I should also go through the 2 Corona faults. First off there was the Andre Johnson pass to the 1 yard line. Then, the next play Ward rushes up the middle for paydirt. Right there are the only two gaps in my system. And while I mention those, I would be that there isn’t a coach alive that wouldn’t take a game where his defense only made 2 mistakes.
A few things that I’ll leave my readers with. To start, I really need to find a beer that gets the offense clicking. That’s definitely the biggest issue. Another important thing to mention, is that next week I have to go to a family function, but I have to keep the formula going. My mom might kick me out of the family when she sees what I do with my spare time. It should be interesting, but as I said earlier, the Giants winning is #1 right now.
Before I end this, I just want to state this. For the most part I write these columns on Monday night. Right now I am writing on Sunday while I’m still pretty buzzed. I had 2 beers before I left the house (to make sure I was prepared), then I had 4 Coronas and 4 BL’s during the game itself. So my sentences may not be as coherent as they should be, and I might have been rambling, probably as I am now.
