Just Sayin': Giants vs. Panthers Week 1

By Rachel Swett - InReeseWeTrust.com 9/16/10

Considering the plethora of articles dedicated to the game itself, and the outcome of this past week of football, I’d like give you readers a different look.  I’d like to do an “Ode to Giants Stadium” … Yes… I SAID GIANTS STADIUM.  I don’t really care if the Jets and Jet Fans are all sensitive about calling the new stadium just “The New Meadowlands.”  It will always and forever be Giants Stadium @ The Meadowlands, no matter what it says on the sign.  If the Giants ever left good ol’ East Rutherford all of New York and New Jersey would explode.  There would be so much chaos and mayhem, even Oakland fans would be terrified to step foot in NJ.  If the Jets left, MAYBE there’d be a riot or two, but even NYC Police would be able to handle it.  The Giants are New York’s team (just ask anybody trying to drive up route 17 on Game Day when the Giants are @ Home), and despite the devil incarnate, Jerry Jones, declaring Dallas to be America’s team,  I’d be willing to bet the farm that a vote would prove otherwise.  The Giants inspire more home-town spirit, pride and camaraderie than Tony “I-got-insecure-when-I-couldn’t-get-Jessica-Simpson-off-so-I- dumped-her-to-look-like-the-big-bad-man-meat-I-wish-I-was” Romo and company could if they marched in a 4^th of July Parade.  Even down to the colors (RED WHITE AND BLUE RING ANY BELLS?), the Giants will always remain the blue collar, hard-nosed, tough-as-nails team that so represents the majority of true red blooded Americans.  I’m callin’ it Giants Stadium, damnit.  Just sayin’.

Now if you weren’t one of the privileged few who got to attend the first game in the new stadium, I encourage you to take the virtual tour @ http://espn.go.com/new-york/feature/meadowlands before you finish reading.

What I will say about our new digs is that the fan experience seems to be preserved.  It appears to be magnificent from the everyday average-Joe perspective.  People who merely buy tickets, show up, drink some beer, freeze their Heineken off, scream so loud their voice is gone for 2 weeks, and bash the Cowboys as much as possible the whole way… yes… those GLORIOUS folks just like you and me… will have a wonderful time.  We’ll probably still get goose-bumps driving into the parking lot as we see the stadium rise from the horizon.  And we’ll certainly not be able to sleep the day before we leave for the game.  BUT, after taking the virtual tour, there are a FEW rooms that have left me wondering who exactly was paid to decorate the place.  Come on Giants… Some of the rooms look like they were decorated by Ron Burgundy… HIMSELF… HUNGOVER… WITHOUT Brian Fantana’s help.  It looks like the ‘70’s vomited all over the design plans. 

Go ahead, readers, scroll over each of the locations on the virtual tour until you come to the  “Press Room.”  Double Click at your own risk.  In what looks to be an acoustically designed and well paid for room, we couldn’t make the section that the country actually sees a little less like my childhood pillows?  The back-drop looks like the Giants sheets I had on my bed when I was 10.  Really?  Ron couldn’t come up with something a little classier for ALL OF AMERICA to see on TV?  I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOUR SPECIALTY, RON!!  FAIL.  The cheap metal frame the roll-up back drop is on screams class too… MY 4^TH GRADE CLASS:  It reminds me of the projector screens in my elementary school class room.  MAJOR FAIL.

Now I know your fingers are probably weakened from all of the disappointment, but do your best to scroll over to the “Touchdown Club.”  As the display slowly spins around the room, I’m sure you’ll feel as nauseous as I did.  It looks like Ron took some of his hangover puke to Lowe’s to use for the color match paint.  Come on guys, the Stadium in all its glory has such BRILLIANT presence.  You didn’t have to PUKE on your high-rollers to send the message you’re a blue collar kinda team.  Ouch.   Not to mention the faux leather turd-and-cream color palate makes me so confused I might even start dating women.  Hey Giants, Dirk Diggler called: He wants his furniture back.

But just wait, Fans.  If you think you can stomach it,  I’ve saved the best for last.  If you dare, go ahead and clickity click on the “Commissioner’s Club” button.  I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but when it comes to attending Giants games in the future, I’m GLAD I’m a poor schmuck.  I don't even want to be invited into this monstrosity they call a club.  As you can clearly see, Ron Burgundy was asked to decorate a bank with a  strip club in it.  It’s the only explanation for this “décor.”  And as if the return of the turd color faux leather weren’t enough, this time Ron brought a urine sample to Lowe’s for the color match on the conference chairs.   He also brought his gold brass spittoons for us to slap lamp shades on and use for lighting.  Seriously, I’m not sure the lights in this room should be turned on.  Ever.  And what are those, 30-inch TVs?  Here ya go Commish… SQUINT your heart out.  Game?  What game?  I’M DECORATING, HERE!  Oh wait… let’s not forget the best part: Is that a RED VELVET ‘70’s inspired couch with RED-AND-WHITE ZEBRA PILLOWS!?!  APPARENTLY Ron enlisted some help from Leon Phelps.  All I really want to know, is WHO picked out that couch and thought “Yeeeaaa, That’s the One!”

I simply refuse to believe that someone actually got paid to decorate these rooms.  The thought alone makes my head explode.  Maybe I should go INTO each of the rooms, HAVE that thought, and let my exploding brain matter be an IMPROVEMENT.  In all seriousness though, we can be glad that the parts of the stadium us normal folk will get to see are absolutely magnificent.  Scroll over the “Coaches Club” button and take a look.  Now’s here’s a ‘70’s tribute with some class!  Holy Oxymoron, Batman, but it's true!  I think Veronica Corningstone helped with this one.  The white tables contrast the hardwood floors so well all the gay men in NY would tinkle a little if they saw it.  And Ron Burgundy really loved the strip club vibe, but at least he made this a high class club.  I’d easily pay $100 for a lap dance under that soft blue light.  To top it off, there are accents of brushed metal EVERYWHERE: Signs, stools, table tops, and garbage receptacles (yes, they look so expensive I am calling them Receptacles.  Garbage cans are for Jets Fans).  Two enthusiastic thumbs up for the club.  Those of us you don’t care to actually WATCH the game will enjoy escaping frost-bite in the blue room.

For the true blue, though, there is only one part of the stadium that matters: Where we sit....or...actually where we stand, yell, and sit just long enough to dig in our wallets for more beer money.  In this case, the powers that be have out done themselves.  Check out the “Scoreboard View” and you’ll see why.  The turf is greener than Rooney Mara’s acting career, and the scoreboards are so big they’ll make the drunks duck for cover when they replay tackles.  There is far more leg room for you taller fans, and the seats are bigger so we can wear more than the usual 11 layers (like the tribute to Phil?  Subtlety is key here).  And when you’re done wishing you could be there this Sunday, check out the “Terrace View!”  It makes New Jersey look grand and attractive: a miracle in itself!  And there’s so much parking, just THINKING about the tailgating I’ll be doing this seasons gives me a hangover and some heartburn.

So despite the absolutely despicable choices made while decorating the man caves and snob rooms, all is well from the everyday fan perspective.  And if you ask me, that’s what the organization really cares about.  It has to be.  It’s clearly where all of the time, effort, money, and common sense went.  Halleluiah for being just another Giants nut standing in line for Nov. 14 tickets.  Just sayin’.  Giants Stadium, HERE I COME!