Tuesday Morning Hangover Week 11: Trying everything

By S. James Hyland - InReeseWeTrust.com 11/23/10

“You see?  You see?  He’s not a machine, he’s a man!  He’s a man!” (Duke from Rocky IV)  I was picturing the Eagles saying this to each other after Michael Vick ran it in for Philly’s first TD.  They knew that the formula was all but perfect, but it wasn’t a machine.  It was merely a man.  And it had to be the damn Eagles that broke the formula’s streak too.  I didn’t give it to them easily.  My buddies and I did everything possible to try and help the G-Men out.

I’ll throw all the variables out there to start.  I was in my Manning jersey which was on fire at my house, we watched the game in my basement and I of course had my Coronas and Bud Light.  With me for the game were my buddies Tully, Big B, and Woody.  They were all set for a big night of drinking because we all knew how big this game was.

I’ll try to sum up every possible ritual myself and my boys did during this game to try and will Big Blue to the W.  When I realized that we needed help, I actually took one of Woody’s Guinness’s on offense to see if that helped.  We marched down the field, but it ended in a fumble, so I quickly gave up that dream.

Next we tried putting different songs on in the background during the game to see how the Giants would respond to each song.  Here’s the breakdown: the Giants HATE Taylor Swift, Toby Keith, Van Halen, and Black Sabbath.  On the flip side, they LOVE The Rolling Stones and Pink Floyd.  Based on that I bought 8 dollars worth of Rolling Stones songs just so we wouldn’t run out.

Not only this, but we’d do a waterfall type cheers with each other where Woody would take a drink, tap my beer, I’d chug, tap Big B, he’d chug, tap Tully, then we’d send it back around.  It seemed like that was working for a while.

Here is where we ran into trouble.  We quickly ran out of Bud Light since we only had an 18 for the 4 of us.  After that, then we had to start tapping into my collection of Bud Heavys (Budweiser if you will).  The Giants were doing fine with that.  But whenever one of us ran out of beer, the Eagles would get a big play or big stop.  And of course when it’s 4^th and 1, all hell breaks loose.  Woody finishes his beer before the play and Van Halen comes on the iTunes.  The Eagles saw their opening.  McCoy then ran for 50 yards to seal the deal.

Naturally then on the next drive, Eli does a sideways moron slide, and fumbles to officially stamp the win for the Eagles.  I hate them so damn much.  I wish I was allowed to use 4 letter words in this column because I’d string about 15 together to maybe describe how much I hate them.  I hate Fly Eagles Fly, I hate the hockey goal horn that sounds every time they score a TD, I even hate Andy Reid and his degenerate sons.

But I guess for me and my Giants it’s back to the drawing board.  Maybe I need to find a new beer or two.  Maybe I need to rotate back to the Justin Tuck jersey.  Maybe I should consider the fact that my drinking and wearing jerseys have absolutely no effect on the game.  Who knows?  I certainly don’t have the answers.